you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
