We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
