After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
