i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
