ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
