You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
