my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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