I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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