put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she told me i tasted like america
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
