I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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