I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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