there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
