dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didn't notice because vodka
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
