hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
