we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
