oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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