lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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