He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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