can u get pink eye on your cock?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
