New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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