who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
