Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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