If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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