I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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