Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
