making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
