I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
