so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
