i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
