Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
