I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
