Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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