Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
