I'm so fucking centered right now
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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