It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
