Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
