the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
