you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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