the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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