I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
