That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
