Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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