my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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