When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
