just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
