Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
