Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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