Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
