she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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