i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
