Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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