Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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