Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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