I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
