dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
