It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
