New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
