if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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