His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
