A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
