So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
did i just pee glitter
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
