Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
