Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
